The wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing.

“There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke, though the wit thereof he but dimly discerns, and more than suspects that the joke is at nobody’s expense but his own.”

— Herman Melville, Moby Dick.

While researching blog etiquette recently, I came across strict admonitions that a good blog must have a theme or a goal.  Which begs the question, but really the answer – I have no theme.  As for goals, I have plenty of those but don’t want to reduce them to writing and tempt, you know.  The wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing.

Plus, select goals will (probably) be stated when wp-z and I begin our collaboration!  More to come on that.

So what are the dangers of not having a theme?  Well I don’t mind telling you, now that I’ve learned them.

1. Not having a theme leads to having a blog entitled, “doo doo dee doo doo,” which, believe it or not, is already a reworking of the original “doo doo dee doo.”  Also briefly considered was “doo bee doo,” a highly useful phrase in the right context (e.g. “What was the name of the place where we ate that thing with all those little doo-bee-doos sprinkled up top?”), but ultimately rejected due to Strangers in the Night, singing penguins, etc.

2. Having a blog entitled, “doo doo dee doo doo,” leads to an indeterminate readership.

3. An indeterminate readership leads to one’s blog appearing in unpredictable search results…

…So something else I have learned about blogging is that, as with Goodreads, you can track certain statistics.  WordPress, for instance, shows you your total hits, how many views per post, other blogs that “referred” viewers to your blog, etc.  WordPress also tells you what search terms have yielded your blog.  This can be a shocker.

The following searches have resulted in views of my blog:

“black flats”

“sane crook”

“longest doodoo”

!!!  !!!  It took a good ten minutes before I could stop howling long enough to jump on Google and type in “longest doodoo.”  Sure enough, MY BLOG IS THE SIXTH RESULT.  I just did it again and yep, there it is.  Sixth.

The most amazing part is that I LITERALLY was just thinking about how funny life used to be.   Hilarious crap used to happen to me all the time, for some reason often involving my shoes.  There was a time in my life where they kept flying off at inopportune moments, e.g. while crossing the street at California and Montgomery during rush hour, or while walking in front of a glass conference room in which my boss would be meeting with clients.  Other funnies might include, perhaps, taking a ballet class and while practicing pirouettes, realizing that the piano player is looking straight at you and laughing.  I couldn’t think of a single thing in recent history, particularly since leaving school.  The law is not that funny.  But I was thinking about all this last week, and then something like this happens!  I have now spent the last few days calling people on the phone and shouting, “The most wonderful thing has happened to me!”

This has also singlehandedly made it worth telling people I have a blog.  Which, as of then, I had told only one person about.

In conclusion, conventional wisdom is wrong.  Themes are clearly unnecessary!  I leave you with these unflattering pictures of my cat:

Not looking good.  Better yet:

P.S. I am NOT tagging this post.

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One Response to The wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing.

  1. Unflattering cat portraits, do I sense a regular feature in the making?

    I LOLeth all over the place!

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